Some Days I Know My Weakness...

My body is smashed up – inside and out – and my emotions are ragged.  Some days contain triumphs and achievements to which I point and upon which I attempt to dwell.  However, discouragement, grief and anger lurk around every pain killer deadline.  When they accumulate and spill out I am no longer thankful that I can limp to the bathroom, but am resentful that it takes me five minutes to swing my legs over the side of the chair or bed, balance my “boot” into an upright position so I can wiggle in my foot, Velcro the six straps that hold my broken and plated ankle into a supported environment, and then begin the long, uneven trek to empty my stent-enhanced bladder.  At the end of the exercise I can choose to sit in a cushioned seat or balance my body on my left hip.  The decision is weighted by which part of my body aches the least – my broken bottom or my shattered hip.  Either way, the ribs will have increased pressure from the position and keep up a slow dull throbbing like the bass line in a torturous modern opera that never resolves or ceases.   That is the truth of life two full months after the car crash from which I amazingly survived.  And so, I read, meditate on, and share Bible verses.  I don’t post about God’s love and care because I am confident and rejoicing, but because I am weak and doubting and desperately need to say the words aloud before witnesses.   I am not pious or strong, but crippled and needy.  And He blesses me in my brokenness.  “This is a trustworthy saying…If we are faithless, He remains faithful for He cannot deny Himself.”  I woke this morning with these thoughts on my heart and determined to share them.  As I opened my inbox I found the following words from a friend that has experienced unimaginable grief and loss during the past year:  “I read a verse you recently posted.  I am amazed and comforted and encouraged by your positivity and love for God.  I know I am fighting a spiritual battle and so many days I want to give up.  Thanks for sharing.”
Somehow, in the middle of the muck of these trials under which I easily fall, God has used my struggles to encourage a sister in severe grief.  In my mustard seed faith I am surprised…and encouraged.
“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”