The Crooked, Straight

If an abductor hip muscle is damaged, many other body parts will compensate.  The substitutions for mobility can occur so seamlessly, that I didn’t realize I was using my right hand to help lift my upper right thigh getting in and out of the car, or that I was bending in at my knee to rely on its strength when climbing the stairs.  That’s the way the members all work together, and cover up weakness. 

But sometimes that compensation prohibits the building of strength.  Loose muscles cannot support a skeletal frame…even a titanium reinforced one.  Here I am now with a task that was made more difficult by my subconscious drive to return to full functioning as quickly as possible.  Pushing past the wobbly steps and delegating the work to my capable left leg led to atrophied muscles.  

See, the bruising of bones and muscles lingers long after the outward appearance is whole.  And I am, once again, overwhelmed by another metaphor revealed in the brokenness of my body.  The hidden weaknesses have to be acknowledged, and addressed, and given the time and attention needed so strengthening can occur.   Left alone, they will not improve; they will worsen. 

Within my heart I tend toward that same short-term solution mentality – to the detriment of long-term growth.  I cover my temper tantrums with the excuses of sleeplessness, pain and/or hormones; I avoid conflict, rather than learn to speak the truth in love; I “take care of myself” when the hard thing would be to lay down my life for my family.   Each time I choose the easy way, a muscle gets a bit weaker with misuse.  And atrophy is a frightening prospect. 

However, I’ve learned the other side in PT, as well.  My right leg, once too weak to even initiate motion from a prone position, can now endure three weighted sets of 10 lifts!  They are still dreadful, and too many days I make internal deals to put them off until the last minute before bed is upon me—lecturing my own leg, “It will be harder tomorrow if you skip today.”   I am stronger, but only because I submitted to addressing the weakness.  Long-term, I want to be well – not merely appear so.

"Every valley shall be exalted, and every mountain and hill shall be made low; and the crooked shall be made straight, and the rough places plain..." Isaiah 40:4

There is a Rightness to Beauty...

There is a rightness to beauty that puts my soul at ease.  Elusive as the definition of "spirit", this feeling that pervades has no words, but is itself a sigh of relief.  In a vista of natural grandeur, or the order of pottery mugs stacked along a tea towel, I feel alignment.
I cannot tell  the name of the mountain range or the types of clouds we saw as the sun was setting on the drive home from NY last night, but I know that I could have traveled four more hours in that alley between the trees piled high with rich green foliage and the sun flooding the cloud line with a golden silhouette that flared to brilliant salmon before settling into a deep quiet purple.   The world was as it should be.  I was as I should be.   Surely I was created to be mute in acknowledgement of such opulence!  And in my kitchen at home I wiped counter tops and washed the teapot and emptied the flower vase...and then stood back and assessed the (momentarily) still life with satisfaction. 

I remember as a teenager talking with an elderly Scotsman at our church about the recent discovery of a flower that grows at such depths in the ocean that divers only viewed it that week.  The species had been blooming for thousands of years and this was the first time any person saw its display.  "Isn't that amazing that God would do that?"  I was momentarily proud of my worshipful observation.  "He didn't have to make it so beautiful."  Mr. Ferrier replied in his gravelly brogue, "Oh, but He did have to.  That is His character."

Two weeks ago, on a Friday night, the summer air combined with the work week's end to produce a swell of conversation as four of us in Adirondack chairs debated the differences between humans and animals.  All the usual answers were examined inside and out:  ability to reason... emotions....soul...  

If that discussion took place this evening I would offer the knowledge of the rightness of beauty.

"The heavens declare the glory of God; and the firmament shows His handiwork. Day unto day utters speech, and night unto night reveals knowledge. There is no speech nor language where their voice is not heard."  Psalm 19