The Foot Bone Connected to the Leg Bone...

“The foot bone connected to the leg bone, the leg bone connected to the knee bone, the knee bone connected to the thigh bone…” 
They might be.  And then again, they might not.  And sometimes, the bones are attached, but not connected…in a strange, hard-to-define way.  Trying to describe it to my walking buddy I offered, “It’s a bit like being outside in the winter, and parts of your legs go numb from the cold and so they’re just slabs that you haul around; they support you, but you don’t really feel them.”   She matter-of-factly told me that her skin feels like it’s on fire in the cold!
 
However, the whole reason I was trying to explain this today, was because the hip bone DID connect to the leg bone.  I was marching along through the 6:30 a.m. dimness and working up a bit of steam when the thought surfaced – “hey, no limp?”  I quickly shoved it down so I wouldn’t be distracted (thinking about my gait makes me more awkward).  But toward the very end of our trek, my fellow walker encouraged, “you’re moving really well today” and I stopped in the path.  My leg is mine, today.  It is connected to my spine and my knee and my foot --- and I began to cry.  Standing under the immense morning sky, breathing in great gulps of air, I felt as whole as I have ever been.   This entire banged up, scarred body belongs to me.  And while I know now, with more clarity than I ever wanted, that I am so much more than my body – it’s good to have it back, right leg and all.

I have a physical therapist friend who told me to examine my limp through three questions:  Is it pain? Is it weakness? Is it bad habits?  I was disheartened at the thought that it might be bad habits.  But my steps are so studied, and careful.   And I have come to believe that I am pretty tough about pain.  So, I’m back to weakness again.  Of course.  Only time and persistent work can do anything to build strength.  For eleven months I’ve been putting in the daily effort, with results that are not frequently discernible.  And today I crossed some invisible line where weakness became strong enough for me to walk without limping.  At least for today.

I don’t want to stop here.  I never want to stop anywhere.  Because the “limping” in my heart is also wisely examined through those three questions:  Is it pain? Is it weakness?  Is it bad habits?  Some issues require wading through a lot of emotional hurt.  Some habitual things have to be recognized, repented of and “put off”.   Most of my spiritual limping requires the faith and persistent work it takes to walk in weakness. 

And that doesn’t mean sitting in the recliner, with my leg elevated and a pack of ice on it – but getting out of bed and getting dressed in the now-dark morning to put in the miles.

"He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint."  Isaiah 40:29-31