Deeper Still

My husband is an artist by personality, education and vocation. Our early years of dating coincided with his time in art school learning from NYC graphic designers the prevailing philosophy that he has referenced as “the grid beneath.” It is a way of looking at things that gives form and balance to all his designs. 
I like that idea of a defining pattern existing as the foundation –whether or not it is overtly expressed. Therein lies a world of order, clear definition, predictability, and safety.
 
But what do you do when predictable and safe fall apart? 
Speaking metaphorically, I have flailed my arms while the grid beneath shattered.  Despite my dogged rejection of heights and my lifelong clinging to solid ground, I have been in frantic free fall. 
Blessedly, the plummeting eventually ended.  I landed on the grid under the one beneath.

It reminds me of C.S. Lewis’ explanation through Aslan of how the worst was not as devastating as it had at first seemed. In fact, the terrible breaking of everything that had been depended on for strength and victory, was actually a freeing from reliance on the wrong things – to a knowledge of the true source of strength. The Narnia heroes were fighting to avoid death, but the ultimate victory was in the undoing of Death.  

“It means that though the Witch knew the Deep Magic, there is a magic deeper still which she did not know. Her knowledge goes back only to the dawn of time. But if she could have looked a little further back, into the stillness and the darkness before Time dawned, she would have read there a different incantation. She would have known that when a willing victim who had committed no treachery was killed in a traitor's stead, the Table would crack and Death itself would start working backwards.”

Of course, the story of Aslan’s willing sacrifice is primarily an allegory of the great atonement accomplished to reconcile sinners to God. But the background story of broken dreams speaks loudly as well. Many of my false foundations have been good things – a Christian marriage, a safe family, a supportive community, a strong church body, an excellent reputation. I have used them as the pattern by which I have form and balance.
But in my satisfaction with any of those, I am ignoring the foundation for my life set in “…the stillness and the darkness before Time dawned.”

He is the beginning, and the end, and the grid beneath. 
 
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way,
though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,
though its waters roar and foam,
though the mountains tremble at its swelling.