Catapulted by the prevalence of the subject, I discussed with a friend the challenge of forgiveness. She related a helpful description borrowed, in turn, from a college chum. "Forgiveness is the act of picking up the coat from the floor and hanging it back on the peg -- day after day." That analogy works for me, because I am a sin-marred creature. Unlike God, I cannot remove transgressions as far as the east is from the west. Forgiveness would be more simple if I could "remember [offenses] no more." Truthfully, most of my deep hurts require active decisions to forgive, every single morning -- all over again.
But what about the flip side? That aspect has been gnawing at me for a couple of weeks.
When I ask God's forgiveness, I am trusting Christ's atonement for my sins. And God promises that His redemption is complete so I can boldly come again and again and again. But what exactly am I asking of another person when I request forgiveness? If I put it in literal terms, it appears to be more presumption than anything else.
"Will you overlook the offense?"
"Will you treat me as if I had not harmed you?"
"Will you absolve me of the guilt of what I did to you?"
"Will you pick up the coat off the floor, every day, and hang it up on the hook? For me?"
There are matters I have forgiven, in my own time, and usually after much work by the Spirit upon my heart. What a burden I am transferring when I basically call "time!" to the offended by confessing my wrong and asking them to assume the load of forgiveness on my behalf.
As I cogitate on all of this, I am overwhelmed by the mercy shown to me by people who live a life of forgiveness. I mourn the hooks I have filled in the hearts of those closest to me. And I am convicted of how careless I have been of the resources of grace. It is a better thing for me to battle daily within myself than to haphazardly create messes that other people have to clean up.
Still, I come back to this transparency ideal. We live in community, and through the day-to-day living we encourage one another by reflecting God's character. At the crux of the matter is the knowledge that I will continue to sin against others, even knowing the implications. I will sin, and I will sorrow, and I will repent...and in faith I will ask forgiveness. I won't ask because I presume on the goodness of another person, but because I believe God enables us to do impossible things as we live in the light of "such a great salvation."
In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us.
My fellowship group this week was discussing full surrender to God. The discussion then turned to being able to forgive. Being able to completely forgive is an act of surrendering to God. I was then thinking about the verse in Micah that talks about God hurling all our iniquities into the depths of the sea. Sometimes in regards to my own sin, I cast it into that sea but on a fishing line. It (my sin) dangles and bobs in that ocean while I still hold onto it. Eventually God pulls the pole out of my hands. Again if I just surrendered it earlier He wouldn’t have to tug it out of my hands. But thanks be to God for the sanctification process which allows me to surrender all things easier and easier. xo Kim
ReplyDeleteI cannot pay for my sin. I cannot make it up to the person I offended. I cannot heal the gaping wound I caused. This is humbling and helpful to contemplate, because I am prone to leave devastation in my path. Oh, how can we face living without grace?
ReplyDeleteKim and Jen, there's so much to think about in your comments, taken side-by-side. Both forgiving and asking forgiveness require surrender and humility. So, each does the sanctifying work of bringing us where we need to be before God and one other.
DeleteI enjoy reading your writings. Many times I am so touched with the beauty of your words. I really enjoyed this piece. I am always challenged and provoked by the topic of forgiveness. You are correct in stating that asking for forgiveness or extending forgiveness is truly an act of surrender, humility, and sometimes pain.
ReplyDeleteI love the quote you stated that "Unlike God, I cannot remove transgressions as far as the east is from the west. Forgiveness would be more simple if I could "remember [offenses] no more." I by far am no expert on the subject of forgiveness. I have come to a point in my life where I LOVE to receive grace, so I try to extend grace. Through years of praying and crying about an offense that took me a DECADE to forgive I have come to one conclusion. God and God alone is the only one who cannot only forgive the sin but remember it no more. As humans, I believe it is IMPOSSIBLE to forget barring injury or dementia.
I remember feeling so burdened and guilty that I could not "forget". Then one day during a quiet time with the Lord it was like He was sitting next to me and it was like He said to me, "I know you can't forget. But when the memory no longer causes those feelings of rage, revenge, hurt, etc. That's when healing and forgiveness takes place." I can't forget this event. I even prayed for the Lord to wash my memory of it. He didn't. But at 17 years old and with a heart of forgiveness, I moved forward with no guilt, no rage, no vengeance. Willing to let God use me anyway He saw fit to share and encourage others.
Like I said, I'm no expert of forgiveness. I am so thankful to receive it. My understanding is when I remember the offense for whatever reason or trigger that reminds me, I no longer have those feelings of offense. So good or bad, memories remain, but there's just no room in my heart or head anymore for those "OLD" feelings. They are done. In the past. Under my feet. That is what forgiveness is to me. Leads back to Christ to even pray for the offender.
I really enjoy reading your blog. Thanks for sharing. :) (Michelle Price)