Sometimes sorrow comes with immensity, and it is not the nagging murmur I never thought I would long for. It knocks the wind out of me and leaves me unable to breathe or feel the need for breath. In that moment I cannot pray, but my very existence becomes a prayer: "God, continue to hold the universe together -- hold me together. Don't let me break apart under this and cease to be."Such is the reality, even for a child of God. The path through life is war-torn by sin, with collateral damage everywhere.
The way of the cross does not bypass pain -- rather it is a road of suffering.
And prayer is not always an ordered composition of historically accepted spiritual priorities; it is the cry of the wounded, the helpless moan of distress.
It holds a broken acknowledgement of dependency and a shadow of hope.
While thankful for the Lord's Prayer given in answer to the disciples' question, "How should we pray?", I am most grateful that Christ promises to pray for me -- and that He gives form to my groanings.
In His words on my behalf I hear the weight of carrying me.
I am praying for them. I am not praying for the world but for those whom you have given me, for they are yours. All mine are yours, and yours are mine, and I am glorified in them. And I am no longer in the world, but they are in the world, and I am coming to you. Holy Father, keep them in your name, which you have given me, that they may be one, even as we are one.
I am helpless. But He knows that, and He is not.
Though Satan should buffet and trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control:
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate
And has shed His own blood... for my soul.
Amen.
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